–You are scared of getting hurt, of being in pain. You are just so sick of the agony and the whole I’m fine although a thousand knives stab you deep inside; Moreover, you tell yourself ” time can heal it” ”it is nothing” but have you ever thought about these wounds which do not heal? the ones that you have no option but to adapt to and live with it! the ones you try to avoid thinking about every night before you cry yourself to sleep… the ones that you know they are on their way to you- Damn, you might have encountered them earlier- but you … you manage to delude yourself that you are free of that pain, that you have escaped it, that it is one of these woes with which you live and acclimatize. Do you realize that you are a coward and perhaps even a liar?
— No I’m not. I know.. I know that what you said is true, but I’m true to myself.. Damn i’m more honest than I should be. I know that when I went through this pain –and whenever i will encounter it again– I surrendered .. even in my imagination I always give up… I’m not a coward.. I’m just tired. Can’t you see that I’m too weak for this? or do you just want to blame me for everything on earth like you always do!! these woes are my worst nightmare and I hate nightmares. Haven’t you heard me begging a thousand time that this ends, that I end..
— I have heard… even that you were too coward to do.
— No, I was scared. there is a difference between a coward and a scared.
Musing 