Sometimes it is not happiness what one wants in order to feel better; sometimes what one needs is a relief, a remedy or a simple break.
I went to Alexandria a few days ago, had loads of fun, stayed with friends (Hallelujah), and simply had the time of my life. I kept repeating ” mabsota” (Happy) every couple of minutes maybe. Looking back at it now, i wasn’t mabsota, I was relieved, I was quite… the serenity was what I needed. For three days, there was hardly any noise! I’m not talking a quite city serenity but I’m rather saying that my mind was serene; the wars within somehow were at time of peace. Again, to me, it is all about distractions, I was distracted by the joyful company and the beautiful city. Happiness has never been my goal. I guess one may deduce on the light of the above that I’m toxic to be around. It is not just a phase, it is who I am. I cannot bear the thought of me becoming better or being actually of a worth. The worst part is that I have been feeling as such ever since I was a little kid, and I do not have to blame anyone for the way I am feeling– although they had a hand in making me feel as such– The point is I need serenity. Since I cannot travel every couple of days, I found an alternative: +12 hours of sleep. Sure you will get a sore body when you wake up after almost 16 hours of sleep, but damn, I will take a sore body over a sore mind and a broken soul anytime of the day.