Support System

some are supposed to be your biggest support system. In fact, You should be grateful for having them in your life. Did you think of a specific person when you read this? A friend, a close one, perhaps a family member or even an entire group of friends??

No what if your “support system” has somehow got reformatted into a “destruction system” what if they constantly made you feel that you are a no-good, that you are a shame although, in fact, they are the ones who constantly let you down.

They literally created a super-equipped cage, locked you in it and then told you ” Hey, be free” they actually see that this cage is so freaking big. You just strive for freedom.

 

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No need to read

On the wake of the sadness you have been feeling lately, the dark thoughts you have been having, and your latest experiences, it is safe to say that you have finally figured your shit out, right?

I mean you know the mess you truly are and that you are your worst hater– you believe the lame excuses they make and refuse to believe your own, the ones you know it is utterly true.

it is funny that the ones you strive for are the ones who made you hate yourselves, it is funny how you will never change. You will always be that annoyingly rude and loud person

the fact that the only thing that is stopping you from taking your own life is a fear that might not even be true, and the fact that that you finally realized that you are no good ( you know you are good to some, but a lot would do much better without you.) after all of this time (you always had this feeling deep down that you are just a no-worth) is pathetic

Shall I continue ?

Channeling my inner…

-Hey, It has been a while . How are you doing?

-Like always.

-Isn’t it funny that we spend every single second together, yet I barely know you.

-How ironic… what do you wish to know?

– I don’t know; why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself, about us.

– Don’t you think that I’d stop talking to you if i knew the answer to this question

– Good point well made. Okay then, let us start with some easy questions. The basic boring questions that you get asked about so frequently that it became so weary. The ones that you find so hard to answer and…. Without further ado,  What terrifies you most ?

-……..

– Did I say something wrong?

-No, It is just that I can’t pick whether it is the unknown and the ambiguity of life or death, Although You can say that death is my main concern in this ambiguity

-What do you mean…?

-I like mysteries and I enjoy enigmas but death is so harrowing that I can’t even imagine.

-Why are you so scared of it…?

-I’m scared of myself after I encounter it.

-Now, wait! there is no ”myself” after encountering it.

– I’m not talking about my body in that static phase that lasts forever. I’m talking about me witnessing it, me feeling it is pain, The pain of loss.

-Let us try something different, what do you think of yourself ?

-You mean what do I think of you

-Obviously, yeah.

– a good unworthy pathetic entity.

 

-OK… So, What is your cup of tea then..?

-well, I’m not so sure what my cup of tea is but i’m pretty sure it is not this.

-by ”this” you mean….

-life.

-It is safe to say that I really never wanted nor missed talking with you ,you know.

-Ditto.

Youth is overrated

Who the fuck told you that life, as a young persona, should be nice and care-free? Dude, life is life
even children go through shit
It is just how we view this ‘shit’ I promise you: the tears your little sibling spilled on that chocolate he/she didn’t get is, to him, almost as hurtful as the ones you spent when you broke up with your lover or when you didn’t get that job.
It all depends on our egocentric self’s perspective and how it likes to believe that it is the only one that is suffering; only to justify the sadness, the pain. We always tend to believe we are so strong, so it shocks us when the realization of our semi-weakness hits us in the face… What it is so trivial to you is so central to others and vice-versa. And for that, do us all a favor, and stop the self pity and judgement.

Pathetic

Whenever in problem, they try to comfort you by saying that all have similar problems or have at least experienced the same pain.  You hate it, don’t ya? You hate to know that your pain isn’t that different and that you are not so ”special.” makes you think you are weak, and perhaps even pathetic. there is nothing special about you. I know you are going through some pain, but you know what, get over it. at least there is one thing about that is not so complicated. I know you think there is a beauty to sadness, but there is nothing about it that is related to beauty… how can you even see beauty in your biggest nightmare?

Band-aid act

You can either face it or escape it. But know this, this escaping won’t last long; you think you dug your way out by burying it all? Think again… It is there, You and I know the truth. You see your worst demons everyday and laugh it out; you are so scared of pain that you hurt yourself a 190473 times trying to prepare yourself for it. I don’t care what you tell people and some times me, your own self, we both know pain and loss are inevitable and can not be avoided no matter how hard you try. Get yourself together already cause I can tell you this… You shred that self of yours and tore it apart and now it is scattered in the no where just hanging. Quit the band-aid act already #Musing #Blog #Band-aidact

never heals

–You are scared of getting hurt, of being in pain. You are just so sick of the agony and the whole I’m fine although a thousand knives stab you deep inside; Moreover, you tell yourself ” time can heal it” ”it is nothing” but have you ever thought about these wounds which do not heal? the ones that you have no option but to adapt to and live with it! the ones you try to avoid thinking about every night before you cry yourself to sleep… the ones that you know they are on their way to you- Damn, you might have encountered them earlier- but you … you manage to delude yourself that you are free of that pain, that you have escaped it, that it is one of these woes with which you live and acclimatize. Do you realize that you are a coward and perhaps even a liar?

— No I’m not. I know.. I know that what you said is true, but I’m true to myself.. Damn i’m more honest than I should be. I know that when I went through this pain –and whenever i will encounter it again– I surrendered .. even in my imagination I always give up… I’m not a coward.. I’m just tired. Can’t you see that I’m too weak for this? or do you just want to blame me for everything on earth like you always do!! these woes are my worst nightmare and I hate nightmares. Haven’t you heard me begging a thousand time that this ends, that I end..

— I have heard… even that you were too coward to do.

— No, I was scared. there is a difference  between a coward and a scared.