Pathetic

Whenever in problem, they try to comfort you by saying that all have similar problems or have at least experienced the same pain.  You hate it, don’t ya? You hate to know that your pain isn’t that different and that you are not so ”special.” makes you think you are weak, and perhaps even pathetic. there is nothing special about you. I know you are going through some pain, but you know what, get over it. at least there is one thing about that is not so complicated. I know you think there is a beauty to sadness, but there is nothing about it that is related to beauty… how can you even see beauty in your biggest nightmare?

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Band-aid act

You can either face it or escape it. But know this, this escaping won’t last long; you think you dug your way out by burying it all? Think again… It is there, You and I know the truth. You see your worst demons everyday and laugh it out; you are so scared of pain that you hurt yourself a 190473 times trying to prepare yourself for it. I don’t care what you tell people and some times me, your own self, we both know pain and loss are inevitable and can not be avoided no matter how hard you try. Get yourself together already cause I can tell you this… You shred that self of yours and tore it apart and now it is scattered in the no where just hanging. Quit the band-aid act already #Musing #Blog #Band-aidact

never heals

–You are scared of getting hurt, of being in pain. You are just so sick of the agony and the whole I’m fine although a thousand knives stab you deep inside; Moreover, you tell yourself ” time can heal it” ”it is nothing” but have you ever thought about these wounds which do not heal? the ones that you have no option but to adapt to and live with it! the ones you try to avoid thinking about every night before you cry yourself to sleep… the ones that you know they are on their way to you- Damn, you might have encountered them earlier- but you … you manage to delude yourself that you are free of that pain, that you have escaped it, that it is one of these woes with which you live and acclimatize. Do you realize that you are a coward and perhaps even a liar?

— No I’m not. I know.. I know that what you said is true, but I’m true to myself.. Damn i’m more honest than I should be. I know that when I went through this pain –and whenever i will encounter it again– I surrendered .. even in my imagination I always give up… I’m not a coward.. I’m just tired. Can’t you see that I’m too weak for this? or do you just want to blame me for everything on earth like you always do!! these woes are my worst nightmare and I hate nightmares. Haven’t you heard me begging a thousand time that this ends, that I end..

— I have heard… even that you were too coward to do.

— No, I was scared. there is a difference  between a coward and a scared.

Just fine

You don’t get it, do you?? I don’t want to be happy, neither do I want to be sad: I just want to be the Same way I’m, the way I have always been… Fine. Happiness isn’t worth it It’s a trap It just paves the way for a heartbreak To come in kicking so bad that it kicks a part of yourself way too far away and way to strong that you can neither fix, collect nor put it back.

Being a perfectionist

You got so used to perfection; you see it in movies, books, shows, damn, some people pretend it everyday, and you just don’t have a pre-installed lying detector inside of you; so you reached this conclusion that perfection do exist, Hell, you try to become one perfect entity yourself although that ,deep down inside of you, you know you can’t become one but you just punish yourself every single day if you were not perfect. you punish yourself if you did something not so perfectly. What’s really weird and pretty much depressing, you don’t seem to object on the non perfection of your life, thinking that you deserve it..not that it doesn’t exist –well you do know deep down inside that it doesn’t..it is not the point– the point is the fact that being a perfectionist 24/7 ruins your life. the fact that it is either all or nothing to you will get you damned.. but don’t you dare and even think for a moment that this is your fault.. it is not. it is their fault; they are the ones who convinced you that perfection does exist, they lied. you were just naive. Maybe naivety is a crime after all… you are just so damned and your salvation is your worst nightmare. you know that your way out of this maze is to know and realize that you ain’t getting all which means you ll have to change, you will compromise, you will eventually become one of them and maybe in one day you will lose the only thing that distinguishes you from the rest of them…your perfectionism